After All These Years
by Betty BOKOR
Summary: Sam/Daniel. Sam and Daniel get to talk about themselves after many years of friendship.


**After All These Years** by Betty Bokor

Sam/Daniel. Sam and Daniel get to talk about themselves after many years of friendship.

Spoilers: All seasons, including the movies, Atlantis, and Universe, but excepting Stargate Origins, because either that is AU or it was a figment of my nightmares.

Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**A.N.** I just watched a Lifetime movie with MS and all Stargate came back to me. I have not recovered any of the lost stories, but I thought I could come up with a new, short one. I know there are very few of us still reading these, but to those few, I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you do (I enjoy hearing from you) and have a Happy New Year!

**After All These Years**

It was finally done. The world knew about the gates, the aliens, and all the other secrets that had been kept hidden for so long.

And, surprisingly, everything was still the same. No mass suicides, no civil wars, no panic on the streets. Yes, it had been hard for a while, but the politicians had taken the brunt of the backslash. It had been their decision to shield the public. It had been their decision to inform only a few countries about the whole matter and to allow even fewer to participate in the project. The members of the SGC had done nothing but to bravely face the uncertainty at the end of every wormhole and to try improving human life on Earth with the discoveries brought from the other side. And, by now, it was −mostly− over. All that was left for the SGC was to continue its work as it had been done for years, perhaps with more eyes scrutinizing every move, but the same way it had been before.

After almost three months of public appearances and interviews, Sam had finally flown back from Washington, D.C. to Colorado Springs. A car was waiting for her at the airport and, in less than fifteen minutes, she was once again riding the elevator into the depths of Cheyenne Mountain.

* * *

She walked straight to her office. She missed being in command of the SGC. She deeply disliked politics and being thrown of the middle of the uncovering of the Stargate Project had not been easy. But, as one of the first and most experienced scientists involved in it, she had been specially suitable to be the face of the technical side of the project.

As she drew closer to her office, she heard several irritated voices arguing while a calm, reasonable one tried to solve their dispute. Daniel's.

Daniel Jackson had been left in charge of the SGC as soon as Sam had been called to Washington, D.C. even when as the lead archeologist and linguist of Stargate −and also all-around pioneer− he had been as hounded by the press and the public as Sam and Jack had.

"Daniel, are you there?" she asked loudly as she approached the open door.

Her voice immediately quieted the soaring complaints.

"Yes, Sam, I'm here," Daniel replied as he walked towards her and hugged her tightly. "Welcome back."

The three young officers in the room instantly composed and saluted their superior.

"Welcome back, General Carter," one of them offered as part of an incoming apology.

"What's going on here?" she asked looking at the four men in front of her.

"Nothing really important," Daniel started in his most authoritative tone. "These three gentlemen are in disagreement about which one of the them deserves to participate in the next expedition of SG-9 −since Winters has the flu− but I have decided that our new archeologist, Dr. Sturman, will take his place."

"But there's never been an archeologist in SG-9," one of the men began arguing, only to immediately back down, "Yes, sir."

Daniel contentedly smiled at them and they were dismissed.

"Jack would be proud of you," Sam joked.

"Jack wouldn't have added an archeologist to SG-9," he countered, still smiling. "And, now, this office is all yours again and I'll be on my way in a minute, as soon as I can clear your desk back for you." He began piling up books, manuscripts, notebooks, and various other objects as Sam looked on with amusement.

She walked to one of her cabinets and got out a box. "There's no hurry, but let me help you," she told him while she organized his belongings in the box.

After gathering all his stuff, both walked toward his office. "I'll have a report on what has happened these last months in a couple of hours. It's mostly done."

"Don't worry about that either, Daniel. You've kept me pretty well informed."

He nodded and unlocked his office door. He went in, followed by Sam, and began putting his things away. Sam did not seem eager to leave, so he decided to make conversation.

"So, how's old Jack doing?" he asked as he distractedly looked at the papers he was shuffling.

"Still Jack and a lot older," Sam said with a smirk. "No, he's just the same Jack, you know him; he doesn't even look old. He's just gained a little weight. Life in Washington suits him better than I thought it would."

"Fishing in the Potomac or the Anacostia, you think? Daniel joked.

"You aren't serious," she smiled, "but he tried to take me to some place called "Fletchers Boat House" where he usually gets what he needs for a day of fishing."

"He tried? You didn't make it? You used to love going fishing by his cabin," he replied attempting to hide his annoyance by moving books around the office.

"He's also bought a little waterfront house or cabin −I don't know− in Shenandoah, but that was around three hours away, so, there was no way of making it there."

"I see," Daniel almost muttered.

"I hear Sara was vacationing in that cabin for a couple of weeks this year," Sam added.

"Sara? As in Sara, his ex-wife?"

"Yep," Sam nodded.

Daniel suddenly felt guilty about his selfishness. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"About what?" Sam asked with surprise.

"You know… I thought you'd have a chance to reconnect with Jack, pick up where you left off…"

"What we left off?"

He looked at her pointedly. "Come on, Sam… Before he left for Washington, you two were getting very close. I don't know_ how_ close you made it, but, to all of us, it was pretty clear what was going on. And ever since then, you've been always on your own."

"Nothing was going on," she said exasperatedly. As she noticed the disbelief in Daniel's face, she continued. "I won't deny we got closer, somehow. I was flattered that he seemed interest in me that way… I even thought I should talk about it with him-" she stopped and looked down. "If something were to happen, many changes would have been necessary and, you know how I need to plan and-" she sighed. "I went to his house once, after Pete… He was there with someone we knew, I don't remember who…"

Daniel knew exactly who that was, CIA agent Kerry Johnson. He was also sure Sam knew, too.

"And I felt really foolish, so I went home and I left all that behind."

"Just like that?"

"There was nothing else to do. We're friends now, better friends than we could have been if things had been different. It just was something that didn't work out."

"Alright," Daniel said quietly.

"Alright? What's alright?" Sam asked, still upset.

"I mean I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude in your personal life, Sam. I'm sorry."

"It's not my personal life at this point, is it? It's our life, Daniel. The four of us, we were all one unit for a long time. Like a single cell… What one did affected all of us. But, now, it's only you and me. We're closer than anyone else around here. We've been through so much together… Nobody truly knows the things we've seen, how much we've left out of the reports because we could not bring ourselves to talk about it. There's no one closer to me than you, Daniel. There's not much you don't know about me and not much I don't know about you, but if there's anything you want to know, you have the right to ask. Just ask."

"You never ask anything about me."

"What would I ask about? Ever since I took command I've seen you stay late every night; half the time you don't even go home."

"Neither do you."

"That's true. Your life is here, as much as mine is. We have nothing else."

"I may have circumscribed my life to this hole in the earth, Sam, but you've been out there. You took charge of Atlantis, you commanded the George Hammond…"

"And, nevertheless, I came back."

He sighed and sat down. "I don't know anymore, Sam. It feels like we're all getting further apart. Jack is in D.C. and he doesn't seem in a hurry to get out of there. I thought he would do his duty and then run back to his lake and his mountain and us… But, no; he's not like us anymore; he left us behind. And Teal'c… He doesn't have to hide anymore. He's a star and he deserves it. He can have new friends and start a life he should've had a long time ago." Sam agreed with a nod. "You are moving on, too, Sam, but _I can't do it_. This is it. I've loved every minute of it and I will until I die... again." He smiled and Sam joined him. "When I'm not in charge, I can't wait to get out there one more time, to cross that event horizon, to continue the quest. I can't imagine life without it."

Sam looked fondly at him. "I get it, Daniel. Some days I want it, too. But, as a scientist, there's still plenty for me to do with what we've already discovered, and, as a woman in the military, this is my dream job."

Daniel smiled broadly. "You're great at it, Sam."

"Thank you; I'm trying." She left her spot by the door and sat close to him. "There _is_ something I want to know. How are you doing now that everybody knows you were right from the beginning? What do your former colleagues say to you now? I bet they aren't laughing any longer, are they? Have you talked to Steven Rayner?"

Daniel smirked. "He was here last week. He called; he wanted to apologize. He wanted to know if there was anything he could help with here…"

"Yeah, sure," Sam interjected.

"Well, we talked about what happened in Egypt, what _really_ happened, and we had a video talk with Sarah Gardner-"

"How is she doing? The last time I saw her, after she left the Infirmary, she wasn't coping that well."

"She's much better, thankfully. She's learned to live with what happened, like we have. She's stronger now."

"I bet you helped there."

"I tried. For a while she didn't want to even talk to me; I made everything come back to her, but, as I said, she's doing better. We all have compartmentalized these experiences one way or another and so has she."

"Good."

"What about I tell you all about the rest over dinner?" Daniel suggested. "We should get out of here for a while. You haven't been to your apartment for months."

"I have a neighbor taking care of it."

"She probably hasn't shopped for groceries, has she?"

Sam shook her head and smiled. "What do you recommend?"

"Come home with me; I'll cook you your favorite dish."

"Really?" she played along.

"Maybe Teal'c's in town; or we can call Cam… Make it a welcome party."

"That sounds good, but I'd prefer to do it tomorrow. Today I just want to get into something comfortable and take it easy."

"So that's a no to the cooking, too?"

"What about just the two of us for tonight? Teal'c and Cam are old friends, but, you, by now, you're more my brother than my own."

Daniel smiled a little sadly. "Okay. Meet you in the garage in twenty minutes? I still have to talk to Sturman," he sighed.

"That you do," she almost laughed. "Twenty minutes it is."

Soon they were both walking towards his car.

"This feels good," Sam said. "I'm looking forward a home meal. I've had plenty of official dinners and hotel food lately. And it's even better if I don't have to be the one cooking."

"No problem. I don't get a chance to cook anymore. Cooking for one is no fun."

"That's true. Half the time I end up ordering take out or picking something up on the way home."

"I just eat a bowl of cereal," Daniel added with fake sadness. They both laughed and got into the car.

* * *

During dinner, Daniel and Sam talked about how the Stargate becoming public had altered their lives. Being recognized on the street was the hardest change. Talking to people they had hidden the truth from for years was a difficult one, too. Sam had had an especially tough moment when explaining to her brother all that had happened to their father Jacob until his heroic death.

For Daniel it had been somewhat easier. Laughed out of academia before joining the project for believing in what had ultimately been the truth, he finally had gotten the chance of restoring his good name and his standing in the scientific community. People who had mocked his theories had been forced to accept the proof and acknowledge his genius for having envisioned the real function of the pyramids −and all the implications of that− and for being the only one capable of unlocking the gate, not to mention for the amazing discoveries that had followed. Tales of the heroism of the flag SG Team in general and of Daniel in particular had only enhanced his fame.

"I've been told you're receiving fan mail," Sam said as they comfortably sat in Daniel's living room after dinner.

"So are you. We have kept every single letter for you. There are rows of boxes waiting for you…" Daniel replied mischievously.

"That's all I need these days; I don't have enough to do as it is," Sam joked. Then her tone turned more serious. "I read some letters that made it to the Pentagon. A few raised interesting points; others made me curious about their authors, but, mostly, they reinforced the feeling that all these people don't know us and that, if they did, they wouldn't be that fascinated with us. At least with me. Even if I fell I love with someone else, what chances are there that I would ever feel free to discuss so many of the experiences we've had since we started this? I don't think they would understand. Nobody would."

Daniel remained quiet for a while. Then he said, "There are events I haven't even discussed with you, with any of you, I mean," he added while making a gesture with his hand that made Sam think he was talking about the other teammates.

"If you ever need to talk about those things, you know I'm here, right?" she reassured while lots of memories from his past run through her memory, from being raped by Hathor to seeing Sha're die by his side to being tortured after his capture in Honduras… No; they had not really ever talked about most of those experiences. The official reports probably did not include one tenth of what he had truly been through.

He tsked.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing… I just-"

"What?" she asked more impatiently.

He tsked again. "It's nothing, just-" he was about to try changing the subject when her eyes made him stop. "I got a little hung up on something you said."

"What did I say?"

He was still hesitant. "We never talk about these things either," he started. She encouraged him with a look. "Everybody knows I loved Sha're. She was _given_ to me and, still, there was an innocence to her, and courage, and brilliance…"

Sam looked down.

"I fell for all of it, but it lasted so little… And, then, I feel like I went through the hands of many women… Do you understand what I mean? There were these women in my life who affected me deeply. I can make lists of them." He seemed agitated. "Women like Sarah Gardner, or Melosha, Shyla, Ke'ra… that would be Linea, actually, eh?… And Leda… Even Vala… Reese? I admit that was different. She was like a daughter or a sister perhaps… And what about Oma? What about Hathor? I mean, some days I feel like I was a puppet… And I'm sure I'm leaving a lot behind. But they just affected me; I don't think I loved any of them. It's like they are nothing but facts about my life at the same level as the times I died or who got to torture me. "

"Daniel, we've all gone through things like that," Sam tried softly.

"How many times did you die?" He said without thinking and a second later he closed his eyes and changed his tone. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. You've been through a whole lot, too. I'm just drowning in self-pity tonight. Let's change the subject. I'm sorry."

Sam was sure there was something else there. "It's okay. Still, you didn't tell me what was that I said-"

He looked intently at her. "You said _'Even if I fell I love with someone else'_… Someone else _than whom_?"

Sam looked down.

He shook his head. "You don't have to tell me."

She smiled kindly. "I could make a list like yours, but I believe I was luckier than you, Daniel; I truly felt something deep for these men. For example, I can tell you I sincerely thought I was in love with Jonas Hanson, until I got to know him better… And then I met men like Martouf, Orlin, Narim, Joe Faxon… You know, extraordinary men who left a deep imprint on me; I'm not sure if it was love… I certainly thought I was in love with Pete Shanahan, but I don't know anymore. Perhaps I used him to free myself from those incipient feelings for Jack… That didn't work out so well." She smiled shyly. "I could have fallen for Malcolm Barrett, or Cameron Mitchel, or perhaps even for Rodney McKay if he hadn't been so annoying some days," she laughed, "or Fifth, if he had been truly human… I don't know. In general −most of them− they left me with positive feelings."

"So, you were talking about Jack, then."

"No," she said slowly. "No, I wasn't."

He looked at her inquisitively.

"Do you really want to know?"

He nodded.

She leaned back in her armchair. "Okay. Let's say that it's something that has come and gone over the years, stronger or weaker, just within my reach or so far away… I have fought it a lot. And it began even before I joined the SGC."

Daniel was surprised. How could he have missed that there had been someone else all along?

"They say that to love someone you have to admire them first, at least something about them, something that leaves you in awe, and I did −_I do_− admire this man. Always. I've cried so may times thinking I'd lost him, but he always comes back and I like to think that he comes back to me, in part, in a way…"

Daniel was lost.

She sighed. "I'm afraid that, if I tell you, you won't see me the same way anymore."

"Sam, nothing could change the way I see you. I admire you, I trust you with my life; you're my best friend."

She smiled and reached to pat his hand. "Same here, kiddo."

"Then?"

"Okay. When I started working at the SGC, everybody talked about only one thing. The guy with the vision. The guy with the genius."

"Not Jack?"

"Jack? Genius?"

"He's pretty smart and you know it. He just hides it well."

"Okay, fine, but, no; not Jack. This man wasn't working there anymore and, then, they let me go meet him and that first day, right there, he blew my mind with his ability to see beyond what we could see."

Daniel was listening attentively.

"You don't know whom I'm talking about?"

"I'm trying. When you joined the SGC I was in Abydos, so I didn't know everybody, and if he was gone by the time I got there again…"

"Are you serious?" she laughed.

"What?" He thought about it for a few more seconds and then he understood. "Sam?"

"You really didn't know?" She smiled. "I only had eyes for you since the day I met you… But you were in so much pain-"

"Sam…" He was shocked.

"I didn't want to add to your nightmare."

He shook his head and sighed. "I always thought we were pretty clever, both of us. I heard people talking about the "science twins" and I secretly enjoyed it. I've been so blind."

"It's not like I ever told you."

"You don't get it either."

"What?"

"Did you notice you weren't in that list of women who marked me? You have left the deepest mark on me, Sam, but a very positive one, the one that kept me from throwing myself into that pit of despair that was my life most of the time. I've always tried to come back and, yes, I came back because I knew you would not leave me behind. And, after all these years, your mark is far deeper than anything I felt with Sha're. You and I… We're so similar, we connect so well. Do you know that for years I felt so guilty because I grew accustomed to Sha're's absence and I started missing you every time you were far from me? I've been so jealous! Of Jack, of Orlin, Martouf, anyone who got closer to you."

"But you never said anything."

"Neither did you."

"What are we going to do about this?"

"Do you think we've missed our chance?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I know we both love each other, I know we care very deeply, but, do you think we still have an opportunity to go beyond that?

"Let's say logistically… at work, we're still peers. Even if I'm the commanding officer of the SGC, you're the head of all the scientific community. We make decisions together; I would not impose my will over yours; we're beyond that. We'll always be two team members; we've just upgraded the team."

He smiled. "Thank you for that. I don't think Jack felt that way when he was in charge."

"Much has changed since then,"

"That's true. Then, what about other logistics? What about our living arrangements? Are you willing to give up your independence?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"So, yes. I can see us doing this every day. Coming home together, sharing a meal, talking, relaxing."

"You don't see us getting tired of each other? Of being all day long together?"

"We are always busy and not always with each other, and you still go through the gate all the time."

"True. I agree. Then, next, you're renting the apartment; I own this house. Care to move in? I have two guest bedrooms. I can make one a room just for you, office, gym, whatever you need."

"That's very nice of you," she smiled. "We can share the gym you have in the basement, right?" He nodded. "So I'd like to have my own office and space for Schrodinger II."

"Granted," he said mimicking the voice of a genie.

"Look at us, how we make adult decisions like nothing."

"We're beyond the mere adult phase, Sam. I think we're entering the mature phase… middle aged… closer to AARP members?"

They laughed as she nodded. "Seniors, eh?" He nodded emphatically. "Okay, she continued, then there's only one thing left to discuss."

"The size of the ring?" he asked.

"Are you proposing?" she asked with amusement.

"No, no, no. I'll do that properly. Give me a day or two."

"Fine, I'll wait," she agreed with feigned annoyance.

He sighed. "Seriously now, Sam, do you believe we can make this work? With all my scars, the physical and the invisible ones… Do you find me attractive at all? Have you ever felt that for me? I'm just afraid that we're too used to each other, that you love me, but you still see me as your brother."

"That's not what I meant when I said you're more my brother than Mark. I meant the trust, the familiarity, the closeness, all those things I feel stronger towards you than towards him, but," she blushed, "even after all these years, whenever I'm close to you, without any warning, you may do or say anything that touches me somehow and my stomach feels with butterflies, just like a teenager's."

He stood up and walked towards her. She felt the need to meet him halfway. They looked at each other and slowly leaned in for a kiss, afraid of the results. If that did not work, all their plans would need re-thinking.

The kiss lasted only a few seconds but it was enough. They immediately knew.

"You know, I've wanted to do that for the longest time," he whispered.

"I almost did it when you told me about the planetary drift."

They both smiled. "Stay the night? He asked softly. She nodded. "Stay the life?" he added.

"Oh, my, Mr. Linguist. Is that correct English?"

"The best."

"Then the answer is yes."

They held hands and walked out of the living-room in silence. Not everything needed to be said with words.


End file.
